Dear Dr. Rain:
Summer didn’t come soon enough for my 9-year-old son. The whole school year he was bullied by two boys. They were cruel with their words. They also would physically hurt him on the sly, always when the teacher didn’t see it. He went from a confident, happy child, to a boy who hated school and was miserable until the weekends.
Nothing I did with the teacher and principal helped. They refused to do anything big enough to change this. I would like to make sure he is in a class without these two boys, or else switch schools. My husband thinks he needs to learn to stand up for himself. I don’t think so.
What is your take on this?
Signed,
Thinking of Homeschooling
Dear Thinking of Homeschooling:
The issue of bullying has been in the news for several years now. Parents who have not had this problem in their own family may have difficulty appreciating the seriousness of this problem. Even parents who have a victimized child may be unsure about whether the problem is part of the rough and tumble of childhood, or represents something much worse.
From your letter, I see your husband may think it’s part of childhood that his son needs to deal with. However, you see it differently. I have deleted some of the very personal details about what has happened to your son from your letter. I can say that your description indicates this is significant bullying and goes way beyond the rough and tumble of school.
Recent research suggests that about 13 percent of children are subjected to bullying at some point in their childhood. In my own practice, I see bullying periodically that requires a change of academic setting due to unresponsiveness of school personnel. Schools have more recently, however, increased their understanding of this problem and their willingness to intervene, even if they have not directly witnessed aggression.
This past month, a fascinating piece of research was published that looked at the physical impact of bullying upon the child. This study was designed well, with an excellent control group, that was able to look at the impact of bullying by removing the complex factors of parenting and genes. When people are stressed, the body releases a substance called cortisol. In short term stress situations, the body will rapidly increase cortisol, and then the secretion of cortisol will decline. In these shorter term situations, the person will usually adapt to the stress. In longer term stress, however, there is a blunted cortisol response in reaction to the chronic stress. With this blunted cortisol response, we see people becoming more susceptible to autoimmune types of disease, and decreased ability to adapt to stress.
The research on children who are persistently bullied indicates that they are showing this decrease or blunted release of cortisol in their body. Thus, not only are they more susceptible to psychological difficulties as a result of bullying, but they are also more vulnerable to certain diseases. Persistently low or blunted cortisol release is also associated with decreased attention span, decreased short term memory skills, a lower or overly active immune system, increased levels of inflammation in the body, and a reduced response to punishment and rewards.
We know that children who are abused by their parents on a chronic basis show this blunted cortisol response. It might be partially responsible for the difficulties we later see in some abused children where the usual punishment and reward systems do not impact their behavior. Our prisons are filled with abused people whose behaviors are poorly controlled with typical punishment and reward systems.
So, the take home message is that in a situation of chronic bullying, such as your son experienced, not only is it hampering him psychologically, but it can impact his medical well being and his learning. In your particular situation, I do agree that he needs a change of academic setting.
Tell the school you want him in a class where he is not exposed to these two bullies. If they will not comply, either switch schools, or homeschool him for a year. In the meantime, his father can reassure him and support him. If necessary, talk to your Pediatrician and request a referral to a mental health specialist.
